Irish Medical Dictionary – Joke

Artery…. The study of paintings

Bacteria…………..Back door to the cafeteria.

Barium……………….What doctors do when patients die.

Benign…………..What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section…….A neighbourhood in Rome.

Catscan……………..Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize……………Made eye contact with her.

Colic………………….A sheep dog.

Coma…………A punctuation mark.

Dilate………………..To live long.

Enema………………..Not a friend.

Fester……….Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………………A small lie.

Impotent…………….Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain…………..Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff…………A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid………………A higher offer.

Nitrates……………….Cheaper than day rates.

Node………………….I knew it.

Outpatient………….A person who has fainted.

Pelvis…………………. Irish Cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative………..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room…………Place to do upholstery.

Rectum……………….Nearly killed him.

Secretion…………….Hiding something.

Seizure…..Roman emperor.

Tablet……………….A small table.

Terminal Illness……….Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour……………….One plus one more.

Urine………………..Opposite of you’re out.

2 x Condoms………To be sure, to be sure

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